I can't believe that it has been almost four months since I last posted! Especially considering that I have had some very monumental changes happening in my life.
First and foremost, Matt and I got engaged on May 9th! We are getting married on December 18th of this year. That's actually only 111 days away. Not that we're counting or anything. ; )
I have never really gotten the chance to share with many people the story of our romance. Most people aren't usually surprised when they find out that our story begins many years before we started dating last July. We act like we've known one another awhile! Matt and I met at Turkey Hill Ranch Bible Camp when I was 14 years old, so we've known each other for nearly 8 years. Wow. I still can't believe that. We really didn't become friends until the summer following when I was 15 and he was 19, the same summer that Matt was sporting his long hair look. At that time, the first thing I ever remember him saying to me was, "So are you 17 or 18?" Boy, was he way off! : ) I think that summer I was pretty awestruck that a guy who was in college was actually paying attention to me. Whether it was because I looked older than I was, or as I would like to think, my undeniable charm, we spent a lot of time together. One evening near the end of the summer, he approached me during chapel and asked if we could talk later that night on the balcony. I said yes, and I remember turning to my friend with big eyes and asking what it could be about. I really, truly wish that I could remember more of what he said to me when we talked later on that night. What I do remember is that he told me that he had feelings for me, but he knew that we were facing a four year age difference. He said that if I felt the same way he wanted to take things slowly and prayerfully and see where the Lord led us. I don't remember what I said, but I know that I agreed because I totally reciprocated his feelings!
We parted ways after camp ended and he would call my house phone to talk to me. We also emailed frequently...this was even before Facebook! : ) That year, 2004, my family was moving to Oran from Jackson and I was starting a new high school. I was always really introverted, and I got really, really stressed out about moving to a new school. What I soon found was that the othter students at Oran High School were super nice and were very accepting of me. Before I knew it, I felt like I had been there my entire life. Due to my newfound popularity, my relationship with Matt suffered. We were very casual, and I found that when we weren't around one another, my feelings became flighty. I am extremely embarrassed to say this, but I did the only mature thing I knew of: I simply stopped responding.
Fastforward to the summer of 2005. I am 16 years old, sitting in the dining hall of Turkey Hill at staff training, and in walks Matt, looking extremely good-looking and with short-styled hair! I felt my feelings flutter, and I was right back to the summer before. As for Matt...he was not. To make an extremely long summer short, I spent a lot of time pining over him, but when I told him about it, he was not impressed. Obviously. I can laugh about this now, but my reaction to his disinterest was not sadness, it was anger...and that set the tone for our relationship for the next five years.
From then on, almost everything Matt did made me angry. He would try to be nice to me, or flirt with me, and I would scowl in his direction. This is because when he would tease me or talk to me, I would feel myself start to draw to him again, and that infuriated me! I cannot even tell you how many people would come to me and ask me when the two of us were getting married. I couldn't stand it, and in turn I really couldn't stand him. I actually dated a boy from my high school during this time, and I would notice that every once in awhile while I was thinking about my then boyfriend, I would think about Matt. I frequently wondered if this was from the Lord, or if it was just punishment for treating Matt so badly whenever we saw one another. What was even worse was that my mother loved him. I was certain, though she never said it, that she daydreamed about the two of us being together. When I would get upset with her she would say, "I'm sorry, Erica, I just feel like he has always loved you." When I brought up about how he had turned me away a few years back, she would say that he was hurt and couldn't react any other way. I was extremely skeptical...and frustrated.
In 2009, I was preparing my heart to work at camp again for a final summer. I knew that my strange relationship with Matt was hindering to my attitude because he either irritated me or brought about feelings that I didn't like to feel. The Lord had already begun to soften my heart towards him because at the Volleyball Conference in April I had confessed to my dear friend Veronica that I had a sense that the Lord had Matt and I to be married. I didn't like this...for the most part. Like I said, my heart had been softening : ). I really prayed before I went to camp that the Lord would give Matt and I a good friendship, or that He would lead us into something more. I prayed that if there was to be something more, that my heart would begin to change completely.
We actually had a good friendship for the first time that summer. I got the impression that he might like me still, and we flirted a little. I got distracted for a time, but my friend Jessica gave me the wonderful, Christ-centered advice to pray to not let my mind and heart be focused on the changes I was experiencing, but on God and my work at camp alone. The Lord really worked in my life then, and I had one of the most difficult, but amazing weeks counseling during teen camp. I was having more feelings developing for Matt, but I wasn't quite certain that a relationship between the two of us was something that the Lord was leading us into. I was approached by a dear friend who told me that she had felt led to be praying for Matt and I. She wasn't sure of the direction, but she let me know that she had been praying for us earnestly. I was so surprised, but I shouldn't have been so shocked at the working of the Holy Spirit. I still wasn't fully convinced of the Lord's will, because I did not feel that I should be blessed with a romantic relationship since I had not been even praying about desiring that. This continued until one night when I was reading in 1 Corinthians 1:31 which says, "That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord." It sounds cheesy, but it was like I had had an epiphany. I realized that I didn't have to be doing anything to be blessed by the Lord. If I had been constantly asking and seeking a relationship with a man, I might have thought that the blessing of one was due to my own actions. I suddenly felt at peace. Now all I needed was Matt to approach me...
He soon did, and we discussed our odd relationship for the past six years at that point. I apologized over and over for my immaturity, but Matt made a good point. He said, "If we hadn't have messed up the relationship before, then we would have been dating for the past six years. With how young we were, there is no way it would have worked out..." Ah, God's timing is perfect. Why do we ever doubt or wonder at His will?
I'm sorry to chatter away like this, and I honestly had no intention of posting all of this on here, but I needed to record it all some way : ) As I said, we are getting married in 111 days...we're so excited, and we hope to see you there!
